Because Size Matters
Meet the heavyweight champion of the forest, the original skyscraper before humans got jealous and started building their own. Standing proud at 2.5" tall (though its spirit animal stands a bit taller), this patch brings some serious vertical energy to your horizontal hat game.
Technical Specs:
- Dimensions: 1.5"W x 2.5"T of pure altitude
- Premium PVC Construction
- Velcro backing stronger than 2,000 years of roots
Built for the Long Haul:
- Waterproof (like millennium-old bark)
- Cold-resistant (ice age approved)
- No-curl edges (straighter than a ranger's posture)
- Bomber velcro backing (grips like a tree hugger at a protest)
Perfect For:
- Vertical enthusiasts
- Size queens of the forest
- People with tall tales
- Growth mindset practitioners
- Anyone who's ever said "you should see my trunk"
- Folks who prefer to be looked up to
Warning: May cause:
- Neck strain from looking up too much
- Uncontrollable urge to measure everything
- Chronic bragging about your ring count
- Excessive use of "that's what she said"
- Sudden desire to grow a few hundred feet taller
Stand tall with this giant among patches, because sometimes bigger really is better. Just don't let it give you a complex about your height.
