Ashley Marie asked:
So my teacher is making us telling jokes in class; It’s apart of our public speaking unit. So I need a clean joke that’s actually funny. And it can’t insult anyone – so no redneck jokes, blonde jokes, or race jokes. I need people to laugh at this joke.. or else I’ll be wicked embarrassed.
So my teacher is making us telling jokes in class; It’s apart of our public speaking unit. So I need a clean joke that’s actually funny. And it can’t insult anyone – so no redneck jokes, blonde jokes, or race jokes. I need people to laugh at this joke.. or else I’ll be wicked embarrassed.
Oh, and don’t think I’m getting an easy way out of the assignment by you guys giving me answers, I can look them up – I don’t have to write them myself.
George
{ 7 comments }
what brown and sticky???
a stick .
Here are some holiday ones!!
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.
Q: What’s a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
enjoy hope I helped!!
Ok
So this kid and his mom are at a wedding.
the little kid had never been to one so he was curious,
He asked,”Mommy, why is the bride’s dress white?”
after a couple minutes She answers,”Because it’s the happiest day of her life!”
The little kid thinks about this, and then asks,”Then why is groom wearing black?”
I hope you liked this joke.
What does a cowboy say when he takes out the trash?
to the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump to the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump to the dump to the dump to the dump dump DUMP! to the dump dump dump
What does the pink panther says when he sees a dead ant?!?
dead ant, dead ant
dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead aaaannnt
ok so billy knows what he wants to be when he grows up. He wants to shoot people and blow them up. His parents approve. What does he want to be?
photographer
A blind man, with a seeing eye dog at his side, walks into his local grocery store. He walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who up until this point thought he had seen it all, thinks this is quite strange. So he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and asks, “Pardon me. May I help you with something?”
The blind man replies, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.”
why did the golfer wear two sets of underware to the golf course?
in case he got a hole in one
HOPE THIS HELPS LOTS!!
whats yellow and dangerious————– shark infested custard……or…….little girl in class puts up her hand and says “miss ive just wet myself,” …….”why didnt you put your hand up before”? says the teacher, ……….”i did miss but it just ran throu me fingers”.
So there were two men out hunting out for bears. In a moment of confusion, one of the men accidentaly shot the other. The man who shot the other called 911:
“911, what can I do to help you?”
“I think my friend is dead!”
“Well, don’t panic. Now go and make sure he’s dead. So, first…”
The operator hears a loud gunshot in the background.
“Okay,” The man says, coming back on,”What do I do now?”
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A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,…. “Rest in Peace.”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… ‘Congratulations on your new location!’
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An elderly couple were having dinner at another couple’s house and after their meal, the wives left the table to go to the kitchen.
The two elderly gents were talking, and one says: “Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant .I’d highly recommend.”
The other man says: “What’s the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying: “Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?”
His friend replies: “A carnation?” “No, no. The other one,” the man says.
His friend suggest “The poppy?”
No, no, no” growls the man.
“You know – the one that is red and has thorns.”
His friend says: “Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes! Thank you!” the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
I got some of these from ticklemewithjokes.com, but I wouldn’t go there to find more jokes, these are the funniest one that meet your criteria, all the other may be insulting. Hope I helped!
How do you make a hankerchief dance?
put a little boogie in it.