Answer: Cut a hole in the ice then put peas around the ice then when the poler bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ICE HOLE!!!!!!! SEE THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!!!! it got me!
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her
baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs –and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal ****.’
Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
‘How long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete
confusion she answered. Why, not for about twenty years –
when my husband was alive.’
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste’
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s
dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn’
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!.. ……… …..
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ‘I’m sorry.. Was I
tickling you?’ She replied, ‘No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener’.
Dr. wouldn’t submit his name
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill’s wife, Sue, wasn’t wearing underwear!
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?”
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, ” Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.”
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and as John doesn’t, he should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around John showed up at Bill’s house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500
1 hour agothey went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
John then quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. “Did John come by the house this afternoon?”
With a lump in her throat Sue answered “Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.”
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, “And did he give you $500?” In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, “Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500″.
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, “Good I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.”
He said to himself,
“Two plus five, the son of a bitc… is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitc… is nine…”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my maths homework, Mom.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you
teaching my son in maths?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitc… is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
“What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
a second one:
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”
The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken.”
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?”
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
“So what did she say?” asks the friend.
The drunk responded, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather $hit in her pants.”
{ 5 comments }
what’s the difference between a harley and a hoover?
the location of the dirtbag…
or
two carrots are taking a shower, one carrot says to the other, hey can you hand me the soap? and the carrot says, no…I’m a carrot.
How do you catch a poler bear?
Answer: Cut a hole in the ice then put peas around the ice then when the poler bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ICE HOLE!!!!!!! SEE THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!!!! it got me!
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her
baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs –and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal ****.’
Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
‘How long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete
confusion she answered. Why, not for about twenty years –
when my husband was alive.’
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste’
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s
dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn’
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!.. ……… …..
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ‘I’m sorry.. Was I
tickling you?’ She replied, ‘No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener’.
Dr. wouldn’t submit his name
i hope that made you laugh!!!!
Why did the blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice for 2 hours?
Because it said concentrate!
What do you do if a Blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back!
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
How do you keep a blonde entertained for hours?
Put “please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper
Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could use it at night
There were two blondes going to Disneyland. They saw this road sign that said “Disneyland left”, so they turned around and went home.
Why did the boy scout look down the toilet?
to see the Brownies.
I HOPE YOUR DRAMA TEACHER WILL LOVE THOUGHS!!
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill’s wife, Sue, wasn’t wearing underwear!
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?”
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, ” Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.”
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and as John doesn’t, he should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around John showed up at Bill’s house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500
1 hour agothey went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
John then quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. “Did John come by the house this afternoon?”
With a lump in her throat Sue answered “Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.”
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, “And did he give you $500?” In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, “Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500″.
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, “Good I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.”
A little boy was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself,
“Two plus five, the son of a bitc… is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitc… is nine…”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my maths homework, Mom.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you
teaching my son in maths?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitc… is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
“What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
a second one:
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”
The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken.”
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?”
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
“So what did she say?” asks the friend.
The drunk responded, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather $hit in her pants.”
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